


FiteMe

by 20ProudSlytherin05



Series: Hamilton YouTube AU [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Multi, Youtuber AU, alex curses too much, alex has a rant channel, john and alex have a d&p thing going on, warning: political
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-06 14:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20ProudSlytherin05/pseuds/20ProudSlytherin05
Summary: "What's up fuckers, it's ya boi, FIGHT ME."also known asModern day!Alex gets his paws on a YouTube channel.





	1. What's up world

The camera focused. Alex’s face blurred out, and then into focus.

“What’s up, fuckers,” Alex said. “I finally gave into my friend John’s begging, and I made a YouTube channel. You may know John as @John’s Mess, and I’ll provide a link in the description with his channel. Unlike him, I’m going to have a more concise channel than all that.”

“I can hear you, you know!” comes a muffled voice, clearly behind several doors.

“No you can’t,” Alex continued. “This channel is going to be a rant channel, mostly. There’s so much s**t going on that the fan’s covered in it, and I’m planning to make money off of that.”

Alex ducks below the camera, and a loud banging noise is heard. “Sh*t, my head. Why the f**k does wood hurt so much? What the f**k.”

Alex came back up, holding a sheet of paper covered with practically illegible handwriting. “So, here’s my list of topics to cover. I’m not going to tell you all of them -- you have to stick around, see what’s coming. But as you can see, I’m full of ideas. Front and back, baby.”

He put the sheet down. “Yeah, I curse a ton, but apparently I get demonetized if I do that? So I have to bleep out basically everything. All I’m keeping is the greeting, but that’s what all of your ears want to hear every morning.

“I’m probably going to have a very sporadic update schedule, too. Like, John updates every Saturday, when he has time to vlog and/or film. I’m trying for Monday, give myself the entire weekend. But I’m probably going to post like five videos in two days, and then disappear for three months. That’s always what ends up happening, right?”

 

Alex is holding a cup of coffee now. “Sorry, I just got sleepy. Caffeine is my lifeblood, basically. Like, if you cut me open, I would bleed out coffee.

“Anyway, I’m also probably going to collaborate with John a ton, but first I’m aiming for gathering subscribers. Once I do that, I can approach the bigger channels, the ones I watch personally, for entertainment.”

Alex took a long sip of coffee.

“And that’s all! It’s not much, but this is just my introduction video. I swear my other videos will be longer. I’ll write scripts for those. I didn’t for this one, because I’m lazy and an ***hole and I decided I was going to film, like, an hour ago.”

Alex put down his mug. “Goodbye, mother***kers. Hit like and then subscribe, because I’m not done talking yet.”


	2. Thomas Jefferson sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sure,” Alex said. “But obviously, I can’t be doing this just because Angelica's more popular than I am and I want popularity.”
> 
> “Obviously not.”
> 
> “So we’re here to discuss the reasons why Thomas Jefferson sucks."

“What’s up fuckers,” Alex said at the screen, scowling. “I’m here to discuss @Thomas Jefferson, and why he’s a f***in’ hoe.”

“Are you allowed to say hoe on camera without being demonetized?” a female voice said from off camera. “’Cause if you are, that is very valuable information. Black market. Is there such thing as a f****ng YouTube black market?”

“I hope so.”

 

_ **intro plays. A bright red fist slams down onto a dark red-brown background. White words appear on the fist, reading ‘FiteMe.’** _

 

“I have Angelica with me, B**ch Extraordinaire™!” Alex said, gesturing with jazz hands at the girl now in the picture.

“’Sup,” Angelica said. “Follow me on my YouTube, I’m @Boss_.”

“Sure,” Alex said. “But obviously, I can’t be doing this just because Angie’s more popular than I am and I want popularity.”

“Obviously not.”

“So we’re here to discuss the reasons why Thomas Jefferson sucks. I would do a diss track, except I’m too lazy, so instead I wrote over 10K words as to why he’s a terrible person. Apparently, I can’t fit that all into one video, so I have Angie here to moderate me.”

Angelica raised her eyebrows. “Just so we know, Alex, we’re not on ‘Angie’ level yet. Back off, motherf****r.”

“Okay, so first off,” Alex said, clearing his throat. “His opinions are totally wrong, he’s an *ssh**e, he’s somehow a racist black person, he’s sexist, he’s probably abusive, he’s one of those people who think ace people aren’t part of the LGBTQ community, and I could f*cking go on forever, so can you provide some of your own reason, Lady Angelica.”

Angelica flushed slightly, though it might have been the lighting. “He has a horrible sense of style,” she said. “You forgot that one. But I’m here to provide some details.”

 

_ ~~bleep~~ _

 

Angelica is now in her own little area, not in Alex’s house. “Since I’m better than Hamilton in every way, I’m going to be putting together facts and statistics.”

She checked her phone. “Okay, so first -- Jefferson has made numerous posts on Twitter, all linked in the description, with vaguely sexist comments. But he also did one in his video ‘Actors Who Got Ripped,’ in which he said--” Angelica smiled viciously, “--and I quote, ‘Women are unable to get as ripped as men because they’re not as dominant.’ What the f**k is that supposed to mean?”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Plus comments in all of his videos that a lot of people might not understand, but are definitely angled towards women. His… history, which Alexander will address, with women, and his blatant disrespect towards women.”

 

_ ~~bleep~~ _

 

“Also, he’s a jerk,” Alex said, scowling at the camera. “I met him in public -- you might have seen me screaming at him in John’s vlog the other day. Plus, all of his videos are just focused around stupid political points that either no one cares about anymore, or are just completely inaccurate. And then he talks about things he’ll try to press for and stuff, and doesn’t do anything while I’m over here protesting with Angelica, signing petitions, trying to make the world better.”

Alex’s scowl darkened. “Plus, surely you’ve heard about the Sally Scandal, as I’m calling it. You know, the one where he sexually abused this poor f**king girl, while cheating on his girlfriend. Whether it’s true or not, Sally herself has confirmed something happened to her while under Thomas’s roof. I don’t care who you are, that’s not okay. And if you think it is, there’s something wrong with you. He’s not a good person.”

 

_ ~~bleep~~ _

 

“And now on the defendant’s side,” Angelica was saying. “He does post videos about serious topics such as depression and anorexia, and some think he’s actually trying to help. However, what Jefferson is doing is completely messing up people’s stories, twisting them around, sending mixed-up messages, and lacking sources in all of his videos. It would be a noble cause if it weren’t for the fact that he’s screwing up especially.”

She lowered her sunglasses so you couldn’t see her eyes. “A lot of his followers say that there’s no evidence of the Sally scandal, even though there’s plenty. But let’s go with that; he’s still overbearing and an assh*le to his girlfriend. That’s not as big a deal, but still pretty sh***y. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy like that.”

Angelica slowly put her sunglasses back up. “Though Jefferson does have some redeeming factors, he’s generally the worst. I met him in person, hoping he’d be slightly better, but he as an ‘I’m-better-than-you,’ persona, boasts at any time he can that he went to France for three years, and always has this smug grin on his face. Maybe some people like that,  _ maybe _ , but I find it infuriating and frustrating. One out of five stars.”

Sunglasses back down.

 

_ ~~bleep~~ _

 

“So, Angelica, what do you think?” Alex said, leaning back in his chair. “After research, statistics, and articles, what is your professionally formed, non-subjective opinion about Thomas Jefferson?”

“All opinions I say are going to be subjective,” Angelica corrected. “They’re opinions. Objectively, is he a bad person? It depends on your standards of a s**tty person, which, again, subjective. But yeah, I agree. He’s the worst.”

“For many reasons, we have come to an opinion,” Alex nodded. “Angelica tried to show the defensive side since I don’t really have any sympathy towards the enemy.”

Angelica snorted. “He’s not your enemy, Alex. You say that like you’re in combat, on the playing field, or something. You’re not. However, they  _ are _ competing for subscriber counts, so if I were you--”

“I’d hop on board this channel,” Alex finished, breaking into a grin. “So like and subscribe, because I’m not done talking yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this chapter was a pain in the ass to write. I hope you all like it, and please leave a comment! Nothing spurs me on more than constructive criticism and the knowledge that people are reading my trash!

**Author's Note:**

> Remember! Comments give me life, and encourage me to keep writing! Even just a quick "this is good" or "this sucks" is helpful, please don't be a ghost reader!
> 
> (Also, anything bleeped out that Alex says is him going back and editing out the swear words)


End file.
